I may have fallen off of the blogging bandwagon for a while, but not the weight loss bandwagon. I am back on the blogging one, too, however, as I find it therapeutic to blog about my journey and to hear from so many readers out there who can identify with what I am going through.
The past couple of weeks have been a whirl wind. We (my husband, my parents and I) took a vacation to the beautiful island of Maui, Hawai’i. I could not have asked for a more perfect environment for weight loss! The weather was basically perfect (far from the weather we are currently experiencing in Minnesota) for exercising outside. I packed my workout clothes, so my husband and I went on a few runs and also made it to the workout room provided by the condo complex in which we were staying. Granted, I still had my vacation hat on and did not exert myself nearly as much as I do when I am at home, but I thought it was important to have a balance between relaxation and hard work while on vacation. There were many days, however, that I was literally physically and mentally craving a workout. This is a new feeling for me. Usually, I have to push myself harder to get my butt off the couch and go to the gym than I do to get in a great workout once I finally get there. Another reason Hawai’i is perfect for weight loss is because you are literally surrounded by fresh fruit, vegetables and seafood. Sure, a lot of the food in Hawai’i is very expensive because it has to be shipped in from other places, but the seafood is mostly caught right off the shores and the stores often run good sales because of this. You can also find the best produce at reasonable prices at the local farmers markets just off the side of the road. You really can’t go wrong. Of course, as with all markets, there are some that are better than others so I would suggest checking out a few and finding out for yourself which ones offer the type and quality of foods that your family likes.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the perfect weight loss student while I was away; far from it actually. But I gave myself the okay to enjoy myself and not be upset if I didn’t stick to my plan 100% of the time. I ate out with my family including a lunch of fish and chips (yes, deep fat fried and delicious) and a couple of fast food breakfasts. I made sure to use the true hunger gauge to determine if I was actually hungry (and physically needed to eat) or if I was just not full anymore (my previous determining factor of when I should eat). Many times this resulted in me only eating two meals rather than three on the days I had the big, greasy, calorie laden meals. And, as I mentioned before, I gave myself permission to not feel guilty about my choices as I was, after all, on vacation.
Upon returning home, I was very nervous about stepping on that scale. Turns out I had lost almost 3 pounds while I was gone! I could not have been more excited! I still have a ways to go but I have found that my confidence, energy and body image have all improved so much since I first began this journey.
The past few weeks have not been all sunshine and rainbows, however. I have been having a lot of internal emotional turmoil. I will not get into the details here – only my therapist is required to listen to me drone on and on, because that’s what I pay her for – but I will tell you that it has been an emotional roller coaster of epic proportions for me. I am doing my best to change the way I cope with things but old habits die hard. The other day I devoured eight chocolate covered cherries. I guess I can be glad it wasn’t a whole box of snack cakes like I have done so many times in the past, but it was still a very shameful moment (and by moment I mean a literal moment – I shoveled those things in as fast as I could; not sure I even tasted them). I got back up and moved on, though. I can’t seem to get out of my head and this is making it really difficult for me to not just reach for the nearest thing in the pantry or fridge. I do find myself looking in the mirror a lot more, though, and asking which is more important – being thin or eating what I crave at that moment? I’m going to continue to try to be strong and, with the help of my readers and my therapist, I hope I can stay on track during this horrible struggle. I am also going to pray (as I have been doing) that I quickly gain clarity about the situation so I can get out of my head and move on with the healthier, happier me I strive for.